Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
