I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
