Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
