Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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