The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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