i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
