so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
