she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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