Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
