dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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