whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
