we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
