The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
