I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
