I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
