Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
