Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
