I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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