i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
