the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
