I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
