I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
