who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
