i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
