Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
