Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
