your parents love me but you hate me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
