we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just pee around me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
