please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
