the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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