Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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