he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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