I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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