Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
