He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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