I feel great
I just peed on a car
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
