I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
