Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
