He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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