Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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