you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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