Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
