I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
