No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
