3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
