My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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