Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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