oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
