you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
