shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just high enough for therapy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
