Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
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