Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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